Final Notice, by SmartPractice An Afternoon Missive to My Various Creditors To my creditors on a mild winter's day, do not think of me as a discourteous man gratuitously ignoring your petulant calls, your emails, your passionate, frenzied letters. Envision me as unreachable as an ice floe. We must hope I will stay whole and not crumble. Icebergs could cause cities to flood, threaten civilization, and upend a world with a special place of honor for debt. Let my penury sing hallelujah in the firmament of our soulless ideals! Let us embrace a vibrant future where one times two equals three, should the issuing backers harmoniously agree. A future where madmen giggle as colored lights change shape and hold the power to subvert the fates of nations. Do not ask where my monthly payment may be, when you could speak eloquently of extending my monetary limitations, in the form of my recently surpassed credit limit, and cultivate our great nation to bounds beyond current methods of computation. Herald a vision of wealth unleashed! Let my beleaguered literary ambitions and paucity of talent dine forevermore on American exceptionalism captured for all eternity in the rectangular plastic sculpture of my dreams.